Courting with 20/20 vision! Part 1 - The term Dating

12 years ago now I gave my life to Christ. I grew up in church and believed in Jesus BUT I had not surrendered my will to the Father. I lived my life prior to salvation trapped in immorality and it was my "drug"  of choice. By the time I figured out the enemy's plan for my life I had a 1 year old daughter and my heart was filled with anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, shame, guilt and hurt. BUT GOD!! 
 
It was not my own doing but it was the GRACE of God that rescued me from a life of sin and shame. When I got saved, the first thing I told God was I did not want to be the Christian going to church but my life did not reflect His calling on my life.

I prayed for God to take away my desire for sexual immorality. It was easy for me to stop clubbing and partying but I knew without the power of the Holy Spirit I would not be able to break my addiction to sex. I also knew that without the Holy Spirit, I would be more focused on a relationship with a man than the will of God.
 
God revealed himself to me in a powerful way. Honestly, when I first got saved I tried to have sex and the conviction was SOOO STRONG. I later came to realize it was the fear of the Lord in my life. As I pressed into the word of God, the desire for Him and His plans for my life out weighted my fleshly desires for a relationship and sex.
 
I began to go to the scriptures, talk with couples about both their successes and failures, and learn from other youth ministries about what they did. I was also greatly influenced by Joshua Harris books on relationships, by the book Purity: The New Moral Revolution by Kris Vallotton, & the book Intoxicated with Babylon: The Seduction of God’s People in the Last Days by Steve Gallagher. I entered into a relationship and ultimately married Joshua.
 
There are several Christians in the body of Christ who are currently single. The LORD has impressed on me very strongly that if we do not establish a culture of how to ‘court’ according to the principles of the Scriptures that it will tear many church communities apart. This is standing out to me because I have seen far too many examples of single people in my community who were growing in their faith but were ship-wrecked by sexual sin and broken hearts. I have seen young ladies on fire for the Lord loose her passion for Christ and virginity and now pregnant. Some because of shame and guilt have had abortions to cover up their sin. I have seen young men driven away from God because they fell in love with the wrong girl and she ended up being a harlot. I have seen marriages destroyed because they planed for a wedding but did not have a vision for marriage. I have also watched too many ministries become a “soap opera” of who is dating who, and the distraction and damage that it caused.
 
 As I see our society becoming more sexual and the church falling in the world’s pattern, I realize the need to articulate more clearly the heart, and step by step practicalities of what I believe can save singles in the body of Christ from falling into sexual sin.  
 
I would like to share with you some facts about dating from my booklet titled Courtship in the Fear of the Lord: A biblical approached to relationships. For the purpose of this blog I want to call this "Courting with 20/20 vision!!!!"
 
 
I use the term courtship because it breaks away from the norm of why the world dates. What you call your relationship does not matter. It's the why, the who, and the when that matters. It matters if the Word of God is guiding you.
 
The History of Dating
§  Prior to the 1900s, “dating” was a slang term that referred to prostitution. A man who was going to pay a woman for sex told his buddies that he was “going on a date.”
§  In the early 1900s “calling” was the primary means of marrying. A young man would call on a young woman by going to the parlor in her parents’ home. Her parents carefully oversaw these meetings, and expectations for everything from dress and food to the length of time of the call was regulated and spelled out. It also limited the opportunity for a woman and a man to be alone and sin sexually.
§  By the 1930s, however, the social landscape changed dramatically with the rise of the automobile. Cars gave young people freedoms and mobility they never had previously, resulting in increased opportunities for men and women to go out alone and increased temptations for drunkenness and sexual sin.
§  By the 1940s, dating took on aspects of prostitution—men treated women to nice dates, and in return they expected sexual favors.
§  In the 1960s dating was strongly affected by the sexual revolution. This resulted in the greatest change in the social dynamics of singleness in the Western world, with orgies, casual sex, homosexuality, lesbianism, and bisexuality becoming increasingly socially acceptable. Additionally, that decade saw the first widely available pornography magazine, Playboy, resulting in a shift in the way our society viewed the body and sex.
§  By the 1970s the concept of dating and casual sex is normal. During this time you could have casual sex and no longer have to deal with any physical consequences through the legalization of abortion in 1973 and making no-fault divorce legal in 1974.
§  By the 1980s 10.9 million women are taking birth control pills and other contraceptive measures, and most of the cultural and practical reasons to restrict sexual activity outside of marriage were obliterated.
§  The end result of all this is that today we live in a society that is overly sexualized, sees nothing wrong with experimenting, and views regular, unmarried sex as not only normal but also healthy.
§  Today more children are born into a world as result of sex outside of marriage. Today, even young teens are involved in “sexting,” junior high girls are expected to send naked photos of themselves to their boyfriends, and the number one consumer of online pornography is twelve- to sixteen-year-old boys, which means they will expect girls not old enough to drive to punish their bodies and do the kind of extreme things that porn stars do.
It is important that we as believer know the "WHY" behind what we do. As a parent I must ask myself "WHY" am I allowing my child to date. As a leader I must ask myself "WHY" do I tolerate "recreational" dating among the singles and youth in my ministry. I must ask "WHAT" is God's original plan and design for courtship and relationships and marriage. If marriage is not the goal, I must ask WHY am in this relationship. 
 
As I share over the next couple days, It is my prayer we see what the bible says about living a life above the norms of society. I know you will never find the word dating in the bible. You will never find the word drugs in the bible either but we know the word tells us our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.
 
The Bible is a guide of how to live. It is our job as believers to apply it to EVERY area of life. I am not against courting or dating. I am against the ideas of the world coming into the church and we as believers raising our children and living our lives just like the world. If you allow your children to date or if you are dating you are NOT SINNING.
 
The SIN is not dating the SIN is allowing lust to drive your decisions. You must have a plan not to be like the world. We perish for lack of vision. Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint; but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom's instruction (Prov 29:18). Again it does not matter what you call your relationship but the revelation of who, why, when, & how is very important.
 
 I challenge you to follow this blog over the next few days. This is not the "law" but just a tool to help you have healthy relationships that honor God.
 
Some Scriptures to pray into:
2 Tim 2:22 So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
 
Ps 119: 9 How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.
 
1 Cor 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body
 

1 Thes 4:3-5 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
 
Ps 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
 
Rom 13:14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.  
Titus 2:11-12 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, Training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,
 
Luke 14:28 For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?
 
Prov 16:3 Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.
 
Prov 19:21 Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
 
Prov 24:3-4 By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.
 
 This is all about the heart of God! Let His Word guide you in ALL things!!!