Why you do what you do is very important. Why do you like the clothes you wear? Why do you talk like you do when you are around certain people? Why do you think the way you do?
What is the heart behind courtship? Remember we are in the world but not of the world.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. Rom 12:2
I like the part of the verse that says "THEN". Many believers find it hard to come out of old mindsets because they have not allowed the word of God to transform and renew their thinking. We blindly walk in the patterns of the world or just walk blindly into situations because it's normal to do things a certain way.
I have asked so many young girls about dating. When I ask them why are they so ready to date the common answers are "I do not know", "All my friends get to date", "I mean I will be 13, I'll be a teenager", "I just do not see what the big deal is" and the big one "It's not like I am going to have sex". I have spoke with parents and I have been told point blank "I do not mind you talking to my girls but do not talk to them about dating". My only question is "WHY?".
I have asked so many young girls about dating. When I ask them why are they so ready to date the common answers are "I do not know", "All my friends get to date", "I mean I will be 13, I'll be a teenager", "I just do not see what the big deal is" and the big one "It's not like I am going to have sex". I have spoke with parents and I have been told point blank "I do not mind you talking to my girls but do not talk to them about dating". My only question is "WHY?".
The WHY is so important. Let me also make this note. I know and have seen young people on fire for the Lord, movers and shakers for the Kingdom and they date. But I know and have seen MORE young people who aimlessly wonder from relationship to relationship, to compromise to compromise, & then to sin to guilt. Most young people turn 16 and start driving. At this point they have been raised to allow their emotions and desires to determine what they do and now church is not at the top of their "To Do list". They treat God and the things of God as a side show to the rest of their lives. Once they are out of their parents' home, they attend church on holidays and special church outings , if at all.
Look at the numbers, at the age 16-18 31% of youth go from attending church regularly to attending once or twice a month. At the age 19-25 over 60% stop attending church at all. At the age of 22 the number of young adults attending church start back rising slowly and by the age 25 of the percentage that stopped around 20% return to church.
It's not about church being relevant, and the church not having enough for the youth to do. It's because as parents we have trained our children to be entertained by the world vs. finding pleasure in living a life directed by the word of God.
So back to courtship..haha!!!!
This is why we must stop and think about why are we doing this courting thing. What was God's plan? Why do I "date" the way I do? Why do I date who I do? Have I been walking in step with the pattern of the world? What sets my relationship apart from the unbeliever?
It's not about if you are "going all the way". Many people think because they are still a virgin they have honored God in their relationships. I challenge you not to measure your honor to God based on if you went "all the way". Measure honor by the conversations you have, the places you go together, the way your emotions are controlled by the relationship, and the times you went to "third base". One of the main questions to ask is, "If I did not have a relationship would God be good enough?"
It is vital that we get the heart behind courtship. When you have the right heart, then the practical steps will be a lifeline to honoring God and honoring each other.
When you do not have the right heart and do not fear the Lord they will seem like legalistic rules that you will ultimately resent.
When you do not have the right heart and do not fear the Lord they will seem like legalistic rules that you will ultimately resent.
So what is the
heart behind courtship?
1.
It is a heart to honor and please God (Prov 4:23 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for
from it flows the spring of life)
- As a believer our number one aim should be to please God in every area of our lives – including our relationships and love life.
- When you have this heart you
want to do everything possible to conduct your relationships with the
opposite sex in a way that pleases God and brings honor to Him.
- We please God when we live in
accordance with his principles and commands. Courtship is about doing just
that.
-
In addition to loving God we
are commanded to love each other – when a couple’s relationship is filled
with sin and compromise they are not truly loving or honoring each other.
- True love is not seeing ‘how
far can we go’ or ‘how much can I get’ but it is saying ‘I want to help
you walk in purity and walk out the call of God on your life’.
- By applying the principles of
courtship a couple will truly be honoring each other and showing true
love.
- When starting a courtship, no
couple knows for certain that they will be married and so it is also
important to remember that you may be in a relationship with someone
else’s future husband or wife. How would you want someone to
treat/interact with your future spouse? Would you want them in the back
seat of a car with their clothes half off? No! So that is the standard
with which you should treat the person you are courting. “Do unto others
and you would have the do unto you”
-
God has called and empowered us
to walk in purity and holiness in every area of our lives – including our
love life and relationships.
- Sexual sin has devastating
consequences. These include unplanned pregnancy, STD’s, broken hearts,
soul ties and spiritual bonding, delay or destruction of the calling of
God on your life and the list goes on.
- A wise individual will not
enter a relationship lightly and when they do so they will plan for purity
and holiness very seriously – this is courtship.
-
Biblically, the ultimate
design and purpose of love and romance is marriage
- Today we see an unprecedented
number of failed and broken marriages. Many people do not understand that
the seeds of destruction are often sown in how they prepare themselves –
both in their personal life and when they are dating/engaged.
- Marriage is very important in
the site of God and it is important for your generation. When we enter
marriage lightly or enter marriage with the wrong motives we do not honor
marriage and we mishandle the gift of God in marriage. (Mal 2:10-16)
- When you honor God, each other
and walk in purity through courtship you are laying the foundation for a
healthy and strong marriage.
- The most important decision you will make in life next to accepting Jesus is who you will marry.
- Many people have undermined or
even destroyed the call of God on their life because they married the
wrong person.
- Entering into a relationship
with someone is serious business and needs to be treated as such. It
should not be done fleshly or lightly.
- For a female the perfect will
of the Lord is a man to pursue to you. “He
who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.”
Prov 18:22
- For a man the
perfect will of the Lord is for you to pursue a woman that fears the Lord
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the
LORD is to be praised.” Prov 31:30
- When the principles of
courtship are applied they help you make sure you walk out God’s best in
your life.
What is your heart looking like?
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